The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
did i walk over a car last night?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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