theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
