direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
