He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
smell my finger.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Randomize
