I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
