The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
