My nipple is on Facebook.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize
