Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
