yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
