How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
His hands were made for my vagina.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Randomize
