Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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