i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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