Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
