oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
