she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
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He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
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Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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