You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
