i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
