this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
