I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
