i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
