Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
