i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
