so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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