Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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