Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
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Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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