Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
