The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
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There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
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You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
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