i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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