your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
