I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
