today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
