I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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