i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
