I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
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