why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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