addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Randomize
