Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
We need to get me chipped asap
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
