After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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