Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
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Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
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I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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