I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
