i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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