Where is the hickey?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
