She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
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Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
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You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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