I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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