I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
