First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize