Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
