He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
