mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
