i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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