I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
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