normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
