For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
you never un-have a 4some
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
