Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
