So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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