Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
