I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
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