I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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