Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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