There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Randomize
