I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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