Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
