sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake đź‘Ś
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
