you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
