sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
