I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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