Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
