Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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