Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Come share oat with me in your robe
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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