I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I will be naked everywhere
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
