whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
