This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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