I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Holy sore nipples Batman
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
