We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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